A bit more about...

I'm writing this post after reading Marta's comment on the last post "No title".
I am afraid. I am afraid that one day I will walk with my girl and hold her hand and somebody will attack us. And I'm not afraid that something might happen to me but to her.
I am angry that I'm living in a society that is so superficial.
I always thought that first you have to know somebody and than judge them. But unfortunatelly it's the other way around. Sometimes I think about my friends, who know, and it makes me feel a bit better that none of them rejected me, none of them told me "Karmen, you gotta do something about it 'cause the way you are is unacceptable". Even my friend, who is a priest, didn't tell me that and I'm very greatful for that because he showed me that he may not accept it as a priest but he likes me for being myself and being honest.
Telling people, who I am, is never easy and I am scared. Sometimes I lie at night in my bed and think why me? Maybe God wanted it, maybe I was born like that or maybe it's just my another stupid idea. I don't know. I know that I don't wanna change it.
And I'm tired of hiding it form people I love but I sipmly can't tell them. The thing is that it takes a lot of strength to hide it and I'm so tired of doing this. Sometimes I'm exhausted not only mentaly but olso physically. What can you tell when they ask you why don't you have anybody at the age of 24 and you can't tell the truth?
It's devastating...

No title

Do I have to say more? And I thought I'm alone :).

3rd Year movie

Check this out. It's a movie I made. Hope you'll like it. Let me know what you think of it :).Cheers.

A bit of my poetry :)

Bitwa

Kiedy spostrzegli, że bitwa przegrana,
Nie poddali się, nie wywiesili flagi.
W ich ustach brzmiała modlitwa szeptana,
W obronie wiary dali się zabić.

Gdy stygły ich ciała po bitwie przegranej,
A krew ich przyjęła bitewna gleba,
Ucichły słowa modlitwy szeptanej,
Czy Anioł Śmierci zabrał ich do nieba?


1984

Najpierw przemówił obraz
Potem wyważyli drzwi

Nie dla nas był już bunt i gniew,
Gdyż dano nam strach i śmierć
Dla nich był triumf i radość,
Gdyż dano im władze i siłę.

Zdradziliśmy.

Czasami, gdy śnię
Mam tę liczbę przed oczami.

Kocham Wielkiego Brata!


Dedicated to... dedicated to John Paul II

Time is given
And time is taken
But life once given
ends only on earth
But lasts forever

Your life has ended here
But started
Close to God

Be still my heart
Don't weep
Don't hurt
Because his soul
Lives forever...


In Autumn Mood dedicated to her

Days have passed and leaves have fallen
Seasons have changed earlier this year
I only wish that memories of you
Would go away taken by the autumn wind...


All in the Family dedicated to my godmother...

Goodbye lonely heart
May your journey be light

Goodbye good old friend
Why did you leave so soon?

And there's a better world
we believe you're in

But still we all
Wish you were here.


Well it's some of my stuff. It's nothing special but it's mine :). there's more but maybe later. Hope you like it. Let me know. Cheers. :)

Sarah MacLachlan "Dirty Little Secrets"

If I had the chance, love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things
I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late

Cause I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
But I denied in my capacity to love
I am willing, to give up this fight

I've been up all night drinking
To drown my sorrow down
Nothing seems to help me since you went away
I'm so tired of this town
Where every tongue is wagging
When every back is turned
Their telling secrets that should never be revealed
There's nothing to be gained from this
But disaster..
Here's a good one..
Did you hear about my friend
He's embarrassed to be seen now
Because we..
Oh no.
Be seen..

If I had the chance love
You know, I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things
I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late

Cause I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
But I denied in my capacity to love
I am willing, to give up this fight
Oh, I am willing to give up this fight...

I downloaded this song after watching one of the episode of "Alias". Now, I'm addicted to it :). Cheers