A bit more about...

I'm writing this post after reading Marta's comment on the last post "No title".
I am afraid. I am afraid that one day I will walk with my girl and hold her hand and somebody will attack us. And I'm not afraid that something might happen to me but to her.
I am angry that I'm living in a society that is so superficial.
I always thought that first you have to know somebody and than judge them. But unfortunatelly it's the other way around. Sometimes I think about my friends, who know, and it makes me feel a bit better that none of them rejected me, none of them told me "Karmen, you gotta do something about it 'cause the way you are is unacceptable". Even my friend, who is a priest, didn't tell me that and I'm very greatful for that because he showed me that he may not accept it as a priest but he likes me for being myself and being honest.
Telling people, who I am, is never easy and I am scared. Sometimes I lie at night in my bed and think why me? Maybe God wanted it, maybe I was born like that or maybe it's just my another stupid idea. I don't know. I know that I don't wanna change it.
And I'm tired of hiding it form people I love but I sipmly can't tell them. The thing is that it takes a lot of strength to hide it and I'm so tired of doing this. Sometimes I'm exhausted not only mentaly but olso physically. What can you tell when they ask you why don't you have anybody at the age of 24 and you can't tell the truth?
It's devastating...